Buying into Insecurity
First of all, I would like to say Thank you to everyone reading this blog. I have been on a creative journey for 2 years with TWR now. I couldn't of picked a Better day to Revamp this website other then today which is 11/10/16 which happens to be the international day of the girl.. Although it does only seem like yesterday I started this and at some points through the years I have neglected this page but please believe me when I say the passion has never left, the focus has never changed just for me in my personal life I have been on a very emotional rollercoaster the past year and found myself uninspired and feeling completely alone and lost and just as things started getting harder I felt like giving up. Then I realised if I'm not believing in myself then who else will believe in me? I have to push this, push myself, live, breath and become The Women's Revolution. This vision of mine has never gone and I have come back bigger and better now with my future plans for us all. In order to do this I need to lead by example, not only as a mother, a friend, daughter or a sister but as a young female I need to be the change I wish to see, I need to stand up for all women by doing this for all women's representation.
I wanted to dedicate this blog post to all the men of the world.
All the women reading this I hope you share this with every male in your life and you teach this to your children.
It's important you listen to what I'm saying and adapt this to your life. This will be the only way to help ourselves as women and that's by protecting our men.
As children growing up our brothers were always told to not cry. They are told to "man up" and show no emotion.
we're all guilty, we all have at some point in ourlives just dusted this issue under the carpet and neglected these little boys that need us.
I have a little boy in my life that I need to apologise to. My Nephew.
I am sorry.
I am sorry for all the times you have fallen over and myself and others have picked you up and dusted off your knees and told you was a brave and just dismissed your tears.
I'm sorry for all the times adults have ignored your tears when you're upset or hurting.
I'm sorry for the way society paints boys to be these strong macho beings.
I'm sorry for you and all your friends at school being pushed into football when sometimes all you want to do is play dress up with yours sisters or cousins. It's not fair for us to make you believe you aren't strong if you cry. I'm sorry you are told boys don't cry. Because BOYS DO CRY. BOYS CAN CRY..
Oliver. you are a brave boy. You are a big boy. You can cry. I am here for you..
We can't bring men down and blame them for their behaviour. We need to help them. The children are our future for a better world and it's time we showed them they can express themselves.
How many grown men do we know that will hold in their emotions and not cry?
Men don't cry because they have been conditioned into believing that their emotions don't matter.
Did you know that 4 out of 5 suicides are by men. That's 78%
Men are told not to deal with their emotions so when they are down and sad who are they supposed to talk to? They hold it in and bottle it up. it's not fair. We have to take responsibility and help them and show them it's okay to deal with their emotions.
Any men reading this, I hope you understand that speaking about your emotions is a good thing. We are here to listen and I will never belittle you for being honest with your emotions. It's actually a very attractive thing to find a man so honest and switched on with there emotions.
I will no longer tolerate any person to dismiss our brothers emotions. Dismissing mens emotions leads to frustrated men that have a lot of issues. Anger problems that can influence ill behaviour towards eachother and women. in order for us to protect our women, we need to protect our men. show them that being able to express emotion will make them the strongest men and boys they can be.
New Year New Me,
New Year New You
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How many people can really turn around and say they are happy in their relationship?
1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men are in abusive relationships.
This is a very seriously issue that also hits home for me too. I don't ever like talking about my past but its only when I speak to others so honestly and openly people reach out to me.
so if I have to relive those dark days to help you get through I will.
Its funny, when you get into this relationship you are so inlove, so naïve an so blind to whats happening. you get blinded by their charisma and so does everyone else.
its first starts of with the mind manipulating "You're not wearing that" "who will be there" "where are you" ... yes these usually are general conversation questions.. but sometimes you have to read into the lines a little more, You do not have to explain yourself to anybody.
they will ask those kind of questions so if you do call them out on it or try tell them they sound a little possessive they will just answer you with "its just a normal question, why are you being so defensive" straight away, they make themselves to be the victim and youre the one in the wrong. YOU ARE NOT.
then they start to know your every move, they know the time of your lunch breaks, the times you finish, who your friends are, what days you see your parents. literally every move you make they know it.
Next, you stop going out. and you start seeing your friends less.
Now they have you all to themselves they can manipulate you, emotionally and physically abuse you and get away with it.
the first time it happens, they tell you it will never happen again and how sorry they are and how much they love you.
It never stops, it just gets worse. You are now trapped.
You feel embarssed and in denial that its even happening to you so you keep it to yourself and you don't tell anyone.
every hit you get, they guilt trip you into thinking its your fault. you are the one in the wrong.
they tell you "if you didn't do this, I wouldn't hit you" "you make me lash out, I don't mean to, I LOVE YOU" "if you leave me, I will kill myself"
so your stuck and so overwhelmed with so many emotions you don't even know what to do, other then cry yourself to sleep, even contemplate suicide because you need a way out.
There is a way out. The way out is to speak out and stick up for yourself The very first moment any of those things happen. DO NOT BE A VICTIM. YOU ARE CAPABLE OF LOVE, real love from a normal person that would never want to cause you pain.
even though they brainwash you, and tell you your nothing without them, YOU ARE EVERYTHING AND MORE WITHOUT THEM!.
You are human, you have a life. do not waste it being someones emotional/physical punch bag. You need to put yourself first.
You need to love yourself so much that you are indestrucble, love yourself so nobody would ever be able to talk down to you. Be so strong you can stick up for yourself.
I know, not everyone has the strength to get up and leave straight away.
But if you are a victim, I will do what I can to help you. There are options and charities to support you also.
if you are too scared to walk away now, you will be another death statistic killed by domestic violence which is 2 women a week being killed and 30 men a year being killed by these relationships.
The one thing you must remember no matter what, YOU ARE STRONG ENOUGH TO LIVE YOUR LIFE HOW YOURE SUPPOSED TO. CAN DO THIS.!
0808 2000 247 - 24Hr National Domestic Violence Helpline.
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Together we stand, Together we march
BIG BOYS CRY TOO
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THE PASSION NEVER LEFT
Today, for the first time in years I read a few gossip magazines. I honestly couldn't make it past the front cover without feeling angry.
Do you know what made me feel so angry, Every single cover had body shamed another woman, I don't know if this is the medias twisted idea to make others feel better because it sickens me that magazines get away with it, and it pisses me off even more that we buy into it,
Seriously, every magazine had a "celebrity" that "gained weight" or some other crap... then the strategically placed diet tips page next to it ... how can we honestly be expected to accept ourselves, our bodies then people we are looking up to in magazines that I also might add are small petite sizes like size 10's are being scrutinised about their figures. yet the average size for a women in the UK is a 16.
The moment women actually stopped buying into this crap and stopped it filling up our minds and distorting our ideas on a "perfect image" then we would be less harsh on ourselves and nitpicking any thing else we disliked about our bodies.
Then as I turn the page, I find yet again another reason why I don't actually read these pointless evil pieces of papers.
Charlotte Crosby, whom is a very successful reality tv star, I personally don't watch but from her huge following of 5.5 Million with majority of her followers being young teens from 13 years of age to young adults in their 20's.
so that being said her audience of young women are inspired by her, right?
To my horror on her interview she had with this magazine where the most stupid questions I could have put my eyes on..
the questions where as follows
"Now you are you Single../Are you happy to be single"
"Are you dating"
"you mentioned you gained weight over Christmas"
"what are your diet plans for the summer this year"
"Are you going to get any more surgery"
like don't get me wrong, I understand a gossip magazine is to find out all the gossip and its the journalists job to find out about these stars but its the bigger message behind that,
let me tell you everything that is wrong about those questions..
Firstly, yes she may be single, but she may not mentaly be in a good place to talk about her personal life, like does the journalist really give a toss if charlotte or any of these celebrities are going through heartache. NO.
Do you honestly think they feel bad on bringing up a question that this women may have a brave face on to the world for, shes just like us, could put her best foot forward to act like shes okay.
We are all women, we are the same, we feel heartbreak and don't want to even talk about it.
Nobody honestly likes talking about things they dislike about their bodies, so why question someone on it, Does it really affect our lives whether charlotte gained weight or not, NO it doesn't.
The next question is about her getting surgery, you see don't get me wrong, Charlotte looks amazing.
I cant help but wonder why its such an issue, why people are so obsessed with how others looks,, now tell me this and answer me this, all the people you follow on Instagram, twitter, online and read about in the magazines we all have this crazy obsession with wanting to look like them or "perfect" we want the big bums the big boobs and the perfect lips, That's because we are all buying into image.
But anyway, back to my final point about this blog post today, the one thing that actually upset me the most about these magazines I had read, Not one had asked charlotte what her aspirations and goals were.
It would have been nice to see such a positive women that could really influence 5.5 million young girls to aspire for bigger better things but instead we brought into her appearance, who shes dating and her gaining weight.
Then we have the cheek to be astounded by the 90% of teenagers that are unhappy with their appearance. Question it but not follow it through on how to tackle this issue.
................And that girls, is the problem with society and the media today.
Saturday 21st Janurary, what a phenomenal day it was in London. I marched along with my daughter and 100,000 other men, women and children to support womens rights for equality of the sex's.
As a parent this was a very special moment for me, to have the chance to show my daughter how important it is to stand up for what you believe in. Showing her if you stand up for whats right you will never be alone. being able to have her there actually marching along this solidarity moment was honestly so overwelming for me.
we walked hand in hand and was exposed to such beauty of the world that we seem to forget about. Seeing all these people with different genders,races, religions all come together for the same reason.
although my daughter is only 6 years old and doesnt quite understand the complete depth on gender inequality
being there was a great confidence boost for her. Inorder to change the world we have to start looking at ourselves and make sure we are setting a good example to our future children and take full responsibilty for all children on this earth.
if we taught children from a young age about equality then the division wouldn't be made. our little boys have alot more opportunties and its time we took a stand and changed that.
Being there, showed me exatly what Power of the People really is. if we could all try and keep this fire driving force within us on our everyday lives we could really break these glass ceilings we have upon us.
Out with the old and in with the new.
I never usually go with the whole cliché new years resolutions but this year I thought to make an exception.. lets face it, we are all looking for that fresh start and I know for a lot of us we are glad to see the back of 2016, what a year it had been for many of us., It seemed that a lot of women I have met throughout the year, despite all differences in our daily lives theres one thing we all had in common, SELF NEGLECT..
I came into the year 2016 feeling so positive about my life and my goals and didn't realise how hard it would be to juggle everything. By everything that means juggling being a single woman raising her child and going to work to then try find time to work on TWR, it seemed a little out of reach so I took a back seat, I allowed myself to get caught up with depression and anxiety that left me in such a bad place, I became so recluse and wouldn't leave the house. This is where it becomes tricky. what are you supposed to do when life gets tough and you have to put on a brave face to the world and act like everythings okay? You are done trying, you want to give up and you're running out of answers. No one understands you.so you just dig yourself a deeper and darker whole and bury your head under crying yourself to sleep waiting for the storm to pass. hoping that one day it will all be okay.
It's okay not to be okay.
this is the problem we have convinced ourselves that its a bad thing to be honest with ourselves and other people, We don't open up to our friends as much anymore, the "girl chat" is no longer a thing, But it is, it's your ego, we are too embarrassed to ask for help, you feel like you've failed. we are so caught up with this idea we are meant to live this perfect lifestyle when in reality we are all in the same position, we all experience heartache from the break ups we don't talk about, we don't admit our true feelings. we don't always speak out of turn and correct someone when they've hurt our feelings, at times we just keep it in and put it to the back of our minds and try forget about it. we don talk about how much bad experience's and choices effect us. We just like to brush everything under the carpet. I don't want to do that anymore. I am hurting. I am going through a hard time in my life and I'm not ashamed of this. the one thing I learnt last year would be that to always speak up and stick up for myself, express my true emotions to others soon after that everything started to change. people started listening to me, I got to the places I needed to be. I'm no longer afraid to say the word "NO" and that's not because I purposely want to upset others but that's because I need to start thinking about me, I have to think about myself and what I want out of life, women are such selfless beings and yes it may be our nature but its time you put yourself first for a change. Through 2016 I had done a lot of research and asked a group of women "when was the last time you treated yourself or done something you wanted to do?" they all looked at me as if it was a trick question. Yet not one of them could give me an answer to when they actually had brought/done something for themselves. That's is really disheartening to hear, we do so much for others but not enough for ourselves. My only request is to you women is that you put yourself first this year and become a little more selfish. use this year to your advantage do the things you've wanted to do but put of for a while, buy yourself those shoes. TREAT yourself then get into contact with me .. email me/tweet me/message me and tell me what you are going to do for YOURSELF this year!
This year we are going onto a journey of self discovery. each and everyone of us. this is our year Girls and may we do this together.